The Only Way That I Know How to Feel
by TheStereotypicalShipper
Summary: *Sing-Fic* Angst. He didn't know how else to feel. These feelings of affection have cost him everything and he doesn't know anything other than pain, anger, and regret. He's completely clueless as to how he could handle this. But maybe an innocent and honey-brown teen can lift his spirits...or not.


**A/N: Hi there fanfiction. How long has it been since I posted a song-fic or even an update on my life? 2 years now? Hahahahahaha. Well, it's been a while and I was on the WWE fandom so…um…STEREK IS MY OTP!**

**Summary: Song-Fic based on "The Only Way That I Know How to Feel" by Boys Like Girls. Derek was forced to grow up after the fire. Even before, he only knew of solitude and silence, always keeping to himself. Now, he's alone again, and the love of his heart fears him.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Wolf or this song. All owned by Jeff Davis, MTV, and the song is by Boys Like Girls. **

* * *

His first love was a girl. Her name was Kate Argent. He fell for her charms, her looks, most of all, her scent. He thought he had found his mate, the person he'd spend the rest of his life with. How wrong he was. He was too naïve to see past those deceptive blue eyes, too desperate to feel affection to think through this commitment.

And that cost him everything.

He could only watch as his house burned, listen as his family cried is white hot agony, whimper as he could do nothing. Knowing that even as a werewolf, nothing in his power could've stopped his family's pain, but in reality, it was his fault.

If only he had more control. If only he could've seen how whipped he was. If only he could've been fast enough to warn his family.

If only…

Now…he's back at the same place he was before. Alone.

He had taken his revenge, but where has that got him?

At 24, he knew he was young. He had the money, the looks, and the physique to get him anywhere. All he needed was the motivation. He just didn't know where to find it. He was stuck, hopelessly lost. His responsibilities as an Alpha had failed. Boyd, Erica, and Isaac have all gone, joining Scott and his so called pack.

What hurt him the most was that Scott had the current holder of his heart…

* * *

_**Before you let me fall,  
Kill me so I don't feel it at all  
And Push my body up against the wall  
And pick your poison  
'Cause everything feels wrong  
And I don't know where I belong**_

_**Take me for granted  
Make me feel used  
Leave me in pieces  
Misery is company  
Cuz I know that it's real  
I've learned to love the pain  
'Cause that's the only way that I know how to feel**_

* * *

Derek laid in bed, nothing but a pair an athletic shorts clinging to his thighs, his hands behind his head, lost in thought. His chest rising and falling a slow pace, his eyes drooped, ready to fall, but his mind was running back and forth on his thoughts. It was like he had ADHD.

That thought as well could only provoke his mind even more. He longed for the boy, the boy who had helped him inexplicably even though Derek had threatened him by means of ripping out his throat…with his teeth. It was just a chain reaction of ideas and fantasies.

Regret

This was another emotion that Derek ever knew. He regrets hurting the boy. He regrets forcing the boy into this hot mess of werewolves, kanimas, crazy ex-girlfriends and creeper uncles who went all Jesus and was resurrected from the dead. He regrets for doing nothing for his pack, being a terrible Alpha. But most of all…

He regrets for allowing himself to feel for the boy…because he knows the boy would never feel the same.

Derek growls under his breathe and his eyes flash red. He shifts over to his side, crossing his arm. He scrunches his eyes closed tight, pushing his emotions away, trying to endure another cold and lonely night in the burnt remains of his family home.

In his mind, he knows he should move on, get over his heart and try to do something productive. Anything really.

But in reality, this was the only way he knew how to cope with everything right now.

* * *

_**Maybe it's a phase  
Maybe I'll break out of it someday  
Maybe this is just my twisted fate  
I always feel like everything is wrong  
And I don't know where I belong**_

_**Take me for granted  
Make me feel used  
Leave me in pieces  
Misery is company  
'Cause I know that it's real  
I've learned to love the pain  
'Cause that's the only way that I know how**_

_**To feel your arms around my neck  
I'm suffocating with regret from all the wasted hours spent  
Believing I was never meant  
To touch the face of something real  
These so-called 'scars' will never heal  
And I put down a deal  
'Cause that's the only way that I know how to feel**_

* * *

Finally, Derek was able to drift into his dreams. He took one more breathe before losing consciousness.

**"Stiles"**

The name escaped his mouth like a whisper into the night. His barriers were breaking down and revealing his true feelings for all to see. And his body let go.

That night, his imagination was just as rampant. Looking back into his memories, remembering every touch he felt from Stiles, every joke that was told, every time their eyes met. Derek dreamed about those honey brown eyes, the way they were so perfectly contoured by the light blush on Stiles' adorable cheeks, and accented by the ivory-like skin to match.

Derek dreamed on laying Stile's lap, his hand caressing Stile's cheek, running his thumb sweetly over his temple while the younger boy ran a hand through his own dark black hair, petting him like the puppy he was inside.

Derek imagined surprising Stiles from behind after lacrosse practice, nuzzling his nose into Stiles' neck. Stiles would lean back into his chest, feeling the extra warmth of the wolf. Derek would inhale the raw scent of Stiles then clamp onto Stiles' clavicle, leaving a dark purple hicky, making Stiles gasp, making Stiles his.

Stiles would smile and turn around so he was now facing Derek, pushing the bigger arms away, then wrapping his own lithe arms around Derek's neck, pulling the older boy closer in for a kiss.

"I love you…" Derek mutters, his lips, full but delicate, millimeters away from Stiles'. A blush crawls to the younger boy's face.

"I…_RRRRRRRRIINNGGGGGG_" Stiles gets out, until his voice is muffled out by a sharp pain in Derek's temple.

Derek's slumber is interrupted by the ringing of his phone. With a loud groan and a sigh of disappointment, he regretfully stood up and trudged over to his jeans where his phone was. Flipping over the cover, the neon green screen blinded his sight.

When his eyes adjusted, he stared at the name on the harsh LED screen.

"Stiles…"

* * *

_**Take me for granted  
Make me feel used  
Leave me in pieces  
Broken and bruised**_

_**Take me for granted  
Make me a promise that you'll never keep  
I'm fallin' to pieces  
Misery is company  
'CauseI know that it's real  
I've learned to love the pain  
Cuz that's the only way that I know how to feel**_

* * *

"Hey" Stiles' voice softly came through.

Derek stayed silent, unsure what to say, his heart and mind unprepared at this unruly hour of the morning.

"Okay, I'm gonna take a good guess and assume you just woke up. I just want to let you know that the Alpha pack…well…visited me last night. For some reason they think they can use me to get to you. And I was gonna call Lydia to help me research why because I was thinking it's a 'human in a werewolf pack' sorta thing, with, you know, she being the only other human in the pack. Um…there's also Allison too but I don't think she counts anymore cuz she and Scott broke up and…"

"Stiles…" Derek growled, annoyed and amused at the same time that Stiles had so much in one breathe, "get to the point."

"Right, um…so I was wondering if I could stop by and borrow some more books from the chest of book that survived the fire and see if they really could use me." Stiles spat out.

Derek took a minute to respond, his mind rolling over in thoughts, not fully in sync with his body, and before he knew it…

_"I love you, Stiles."_ He didn't know what he said until he heard a shriek from the other side of the phone.

**"WUT!?"** Stiles screamed into the speaker, forcing Derek to take the speaker away from his ear.

"What?!" Derek responded, acting as if he didn't say it.

Stiles on the other side was baffled, in complete shock, and completely and utterly flummoxed. Derek in the meantime was wide eyed and on edge, hoping for a way out of this situation.

"You just said that…that you love me!" Stiles exasperated, "Is that why you've been pushing me up against walls?"

"Stiles" Derek said quietly.

"Is that why I find you creeping in my room at least 3 times a week?" Stiles continued on.

"Stiles!" Derek said a little louder.

"I thought you were just hiding from the feds again! Oh man, I've shared a bed with a guy more often than a girl with a ten to zero ratio! This is soooooooooo…ugh!" Stiles hammered on.

"STILES!" Derek was basically yelling now but Stiles was too far in his locomotive train of thought.

"AND YOU'RE LIKE 24! HOW DO **YOU** EVEN HAVE FEELING FOR A 16 YEAR OLD! ESPECIALLY A GUY! IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, I'M SORTA IN** LOVE** WITH LYDIA!" Stiles was near schizophrenic and about to lose it at this point.

**"STILES!"** Derek growled.

This time, Stiles did listen.

"I'm sorry." Derek said quietly and ended the call before Stiles could respond. He knew what else he would say.

He slammed his phone shut and chucked it at the wall, half of it stick in the ashened plaster, and walked over to it, smashing it with his fist. When he pulled his fist back, fragments were sticking out of his knuckles, but immediately his werewolf powers began to push them out and spontaneously regenerate his skin.

That was when the tears began to flow. Slamming his back into the wall, slowly his back began to descend until the cold hard wooden floor stopped him. He felt like he didn't deserve the support of the floor, that he deserved to fall through. Through the floor, through the earth, and into Hell.

He deserved the worst. He deserved it for letting his family die. For letting so many go through so much pain. For allowing the Argents to torture his friends, pack, and anyone caught in the crossfire in this war.

He just wanted it to end. He was used to this pain of rejection. He was used to the solitude. He was used to feeling this way, because, well…This was the only way he knew how to feel. He thought he could feel again through Stiles…but…he lost that too.

* * *

_**I know how to feel…  
You're the only way that I know how to feel.**_

* * *

**A/N: So, this song basically describes me right now. Both of the guys I had a thing for both got girlfriends and ugh…it sucked watching them make it Facebook official. Ugh…one of them, he didn't even know. The other, he found out and he freaked just like Stiles. So…yeah, and I've been to the point of depression before so…I hope you guys like this story. I'll make one about Stiles if I get at least 5 reviews. Bye.**

**Also, if you guys want me to see my cover of this song (me singing this song) i uploaded a test video on youtube. its just a test to see if i really wanna sing this using my good guitar, microphone, and HD camera. So, yeah, here's the link watch?v=YE9QtecrXnA Its on youtube so just copy and paste the last part cuz i know Fanfiction with censor it. And if you wanna follow me on twitter, im TheSarcasticXD**

**REVIEW!**


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